im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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