i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Someone came in the potted fern
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
