I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
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