She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
