Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
