shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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