so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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