this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize