Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
