How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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