You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
