If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
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