I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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