Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
