Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
