If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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