Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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