I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
