I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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