Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Terrible idea I love it
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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