saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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