I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
You can't just leave with hair like that
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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