Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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