shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize