Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Randomize
