i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
