i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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