I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Randomize
