I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
