This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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