We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
