Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
