fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
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