So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
