she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
