I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
