Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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