so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
