Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
there is puke in my bra ... again
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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