Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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