my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
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