The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
