somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
