Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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