he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
