I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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