Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Randomize
