people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
