is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
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