We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
