At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
