I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
the room spins SO much faster in panama
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
