I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
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