the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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