my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
As shirtless as possible
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize