I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
