Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize