I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
