i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Randomize
