I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
