Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
