I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
