if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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