I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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