You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Drake has all the answers
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize