she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
