I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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