Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Randomize
