that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
