I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize