Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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