Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
