K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
