So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Randomize
