I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
