we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
