I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Blood and glitter go together right?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
