i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
