Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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